mystery.

everyday is a mystery to me. here i am 10 times stronger, more independent, smarter. here i am growing up. then the other half im still lost and confused. not knowing if im doing anything right. then i ponder of the past and blame myself for everything ive done wrong. is this normal? do typical 19 going on 20 year olds go through this? im trying to keep myself satisfied with life and yearn for something better. i think im getting better though. trust me, i was worse when all the bullshit started. i was a mess. now i think im a quarter of a mess. im getting there. i'll be okie. time is my worst enemy. its funny im smarting a new life semester and so is he. all in a week. everything happens for a reason. maybe i needed to meet him in order to grow from this. maybe he saved me from what i could have been. and came out a stronger person. but whereever he is, whatever he is doing; i truly hope he is doing well. i hope he is okie and more than satisfied with his decisions. in the end thats all that counts. no regrets. o how life is a mystery.